Life Lines: Great Expectations!

Those who are familiar with Charles Dicken’s works will know how that book ended. And in life as in fiction, expectations of any kind tend to vanish when self-interest comes to the fore.

The nicest of people turn into monsters of selfishness when numero uno is threatened…

I know I have always maintained that expectations of any sort is likely to end in tragedy. And there are philosophies and religions that maintain that detachment should be the mantra to live by…

But then why are we human beings endowed with feelings and sentiments? Why are we not more like animals who after their kids have grown up leave the youngsters to their own devices. And move on…finding new mates, new friends and having more kids whom they will again detach themselves from?

What makes us different from the rest of the animal kingdom other than our grey matter?

Feelings. Attachments. The sense of belonging. Of being close to those whom we love and admire. Interdependence. Caring. And yes, expectations… The expectations that there are a few people in the world whom we can call upon to be there when we need them. To whom we can talk and confide in. Who will be there – a shoulder to lean on, a willing ear to talk to, a helping hand to pull one out of the crisis one may be facing..

These are all expectations…and it’s the least we all expect from those who matter to us and to whom, hopefully, we also matter.

Parents have expectations of their children regardless of what they might say about not having any. As do children of parents. Husbands and wives have expectations. Siblings have expectations of each other. As do friends… On a larger scale, to paraphrase JFK, “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country”, sums up the expectations a country has of its citizens and vice versa.

And when those expectations don’t materialise then the disappointment is soul destroying. That is an undeniable fact… There are situations when we all have not lived up to some one’s expectations. Explaining why we did not needs to be explained carefully if the relationship matters at all to us. But to just yank the rug out from under a friend, relation, sibling or friend can be devastating, totally uncalled for and cruel. We all owe people we care about an explanation…

The worst kind of hurt cames from those who have always stood by us and then changed…from being a rock they turn into shifting sands. There are those who listen to others who are not used to close relationships and preach detachment

There are those who maybe have been hurt because they have been let down by people who were thought to be paragons of responsibility…and then they vow not to get close to anyone and detach themselves so they won’t get hurt again..,

And, by putting a wide chasm between themselves and those they were previously close to, they destroy even the most basic of expectations…that of the love shared between two people.

Those who say they have NO expectations of anyone say it because they have been hurt and don’t wish to be hurt again.

Those who say they will only look out for themselves are trying to prevent themselves getting hurt…

Those who let go of old relationships and are constantly looking for new ones do so because they don’t want to get involved to the extent that people will have certain expectations of them and they will have to carry the “burden” of these expectations…

Gone are the days when we looked around us and were pretty certain that those who are close to us will remain so…Gone are the days when people who were drifting apart could talk to each other, one on one,and sort things out.

Today, in this age of instant and constant communications, we have all stopped communicating meaningfully…yes, we are all wired to each other, but with no difference between those who matter and those who don’t. We make new relationships all the time and move on all the time…

But when push comes to shove, even animals stand by each other in moments of crisis. Which is more than can be said of a lot of humans who divest themselves of friends and family as easily as changing clothes.