When to forgive and when to forget...

Ever since I remember, my nearest and dearest have maintained that I forgive and forget too easily. How can you forget that slight, they hissed at me! How can you take people at face value, they muttered, what if he/she stabs you in the back? My problem, it seems was to actually TRUST people. An even bigger problem, it seemed, was I didn't hold grudges,forgave too readily, was willing to move on, even go on being friends with those who have stabbed me in the back.In short,I am a fool just waiting to be trod on, trampled under and generally reduced to being a gullible idiot.

Well so be it... speaking for myself that's the way I am. And, regardless of the consequences, I like being the way I am and will continue to do so...

But, what really begs the question is this: when should one forgive and forget? When should one turn one's cheek and when should one carry the whole weight of hurts and slights from the distant past into the far future? Should the baggage of hatred burden one to the extent that just thinking of the people who have hurt you makes you burst into a virulent rage... accompanied by some choice four letter words that sear the very atmosphere.

I know people who carry their slights and hurts, sometimes imagined, sometimes not, around with them letting their insides erode with hatred and anger. I know some who put people up on pedestals (even though they didn't ask for this particular perch in life)and then cavil about the fact that they feel let down and hurt and intransigent about the whole deal. And they continue to feel this way for ever and ever...

Then there are people who take up the cudgels on anther's behalf, making someone else's fight their own, and carry this particular grudge for the rest of their lives - uselessly allowing it to drown out memories of happier times, a once-upon-a-time great relationship - letting the poison of rancor and bitterness eat into their very souls.

Why? What's the point of it all?

What's wrong with putting everything behind one, leaving behind the detritus of a ruined relationship and forging a new, kindlier one - which could perhaps be no more than just saying a cheerful "hi" - and carrying on without all that embittered baggage which is bound to affect, influence and perhaps destroy other, new and promising relationships?

Because the past always influences the future. Constant bitterness, constant rehashing of past hurts and slights and insults corode... changing the way you are, permanently disabling your very being, your inner soul, warping your emotions and turning you into a person you perhaps may not recognise years down the road.

At that point you don't want to ask yourself: what happened to me? When did I change? What made me change? Where did I go wrong? Why am I all alone today? Because at that point it may be too late to do anything about it...