No man is an island...

So the saying goes. And for centuries this has been true of mankind. People around the globe have gathered and lived in communities, as social organisms who have interacted with each other; who have reached out to each other for help, support and emotional warmth. We never thought it would or could be any other way.
Many people who, despite living in an unwired world, went out of their way and stayed in touch, made a point of maintaining contact with friends and families scattered around the world.People who immersed themselves in their work activities and social gatherings just so their minds and hearts would not feel the pangs of an inherently lonely existence.
Maybe, sometimes, it was because in their heart of hearts they were lonely - because, maybe, in their own homes they found no companionship, no shared interests, no one who was interested in what they did, what they achieved, what they thought and felt.
This has driven many into relationships which they hoped would bring warmth and companionship into their empty personal world.Sometimes failing miserably... but at least they tried!
But today we have a world where personal warmth and interpersonal bonds have fallen by the wayside.
Why talk when you can email? Why walk around the corner when you can text? Why go out and smell the roses (or the coffee) when you can travel the world on the web? Why enjoy the slow unfolding of a story when you can live the lives of cardboard characters vicariously on TV? Why walk that extra mile to sort out a problem when you can litigate? Why reach out to someone and communicate one-one-one (as today's GenNext is fond of saying) when you can feel the second-hand thrills and chills of shooting up bad guys and racing over hapless bystanders courtesy a Game Console?
Hey, bad enough one has to go to work and talk to service providers! Don't ask us to also get to know and talk and hold our hands out to people who we might actually grow to love and like. Too much hard work, too much trouble. And God help us if we really need help one day - because maybe, just maybe, there won't be anyone around to listen to us.

Why?

My son, in his blog, asks "why?"
Why do we get up in the morning? Why do we go to work regardless of whether we want to or not? Why do we bother to live, love, fight, commit, eat, drink, make merry, achieve, struggle - in short put up with the daily travails of life. Why DO we do it?
These thoughts have been more in the forefront of my mind in the recent past.It's not that one sits around thinking deep thoughts. I don't. Generally I am too busy just surviving the battering life hands out to most of us. For a very long time I did it unthinkingly, on auto pilot. I never questioned what I had to do - put one step in front of another to make sure that I could support my family to a minimum standard of comfort. There was no question of trying to "achieve". Of winning awards or becoming a national creative director or a CEO. If I had, well and good. But if not, tough shit! As long as I made enough moolah to keep our body and soul together, I had achieved nirvana! Fortunately for me, I could do this while working in a profession I loved. How many people can say that? And yes, that is what got me out of my bed every morning of every day from the last 40 years. That and the fact that I HAD to earn.
But what is it for the highest of high achievers?
Those who make it to the Forbes list of the 10 richest men on earth. Those who build helipads on their ivory towers? Those who buy jet planes for their wives? Those with a zillion homes on every continent... after all how many homes can you live in at one time, how many cars can you drive and how many clothes can you change into at one time, how much food can we eat at one time?
Is the fighting, deal making, manouvering, jet setting, working 48 hours in 24 worth the effort?
In the final analysis, shouldn't we ask ourselves whether we have made a difference by being on this planet? Whether the money we lavish on planes and boats and vertiginous towers of wealth could perhaps have been used to educate the children who cluster around in the shanties at the base of these towers? Or put food in the mouths of suicidal farmers? WHY is it just the government's responsibility?
I believe there are over a thousand NGOs in India. Imagine what they can do with the 17 crores that goes into the building of ONE helipad for the use of just TWO men - who can't stand the air-conditioned two hour ride from the airport to their homes in South Mumbai.
Why am I asking these questions? Because my uncle died recently. He was a quiet man who lived quietly and died quietly. But through-out his quiet, and in fact almost spartan life, he built a comfortable home, brought up two sons who grew up to appreciate the value of money and hard work and excellence, was a caring and supportive husband, an internationally respected professional in his field, ethical, totally committed and motivated, honest, caring, very knowledgeable, wise and an achiever by any standards. And yes, he made a great difference to many, many people's lives. I guess that's what got him out of bed every morning...
How many of us can say that about ourselves?

Stop complaining..try to do something worthwhile...

So says Pradeep Bhaskaran - in response to my very first post.
Yes, generally I would agree with him. I don't believe "that the fault lies not in us ... but in our stars" as the poet says. Because the fault does lie in us...
It's we who go down a one-way street because we don't want to go around to the next legal u-turn...
It's we who bribe the cop with 300 bucks because he stopped us from running a red light...
It's we who overtake by climbing over a road divider because we don't have the patience to wait in line - it's happening on the BRT corridor every second of everyday...
It's we who don't complain when auto drivers refuse to take us where we want to go and refuse to use the meter...
The fact is that I came back to "my country" after 17 years because I heard all about India shining. How the economy is galloping at 9% growth every year.How malls are growing like mushrooms. How jobs are falling over themselves, paying out BIG bucks and attracting people back in droves - brain drain in reverse...How the living is easy, smart and oh so plush in the "ivory" towers of Gurgaon and Noida.
Well, all that is true - and it's happening to a minuscule portion of the 1.2 billion population. It is VERY easy if one is cushioned from the realities of life in air-conditioned comfort - at home, in the car and in office!
But it's not happening to me.
When I asked my friends and family why we didn't have more discipline, more self-control, more awareness, I was told it's pointless to do something about anything. Things are too far gone - this from people who have never left the country!
I am from advertising and communication. I came up with an idea that involved reaching out to children (through a series of simple 30 second animation films) costing a mere 4 lakhs each. And tried to sell the idea to a few MNCs who are supposedly into CSR programs and spend crores on films that illustrate brilliantly how you can drive a car backwards for a bottle of fizzy drink. Did anyone bite? No way!
It's OK to show kids how to break every rule on the road but not how to drive the right way.Enough said. I have tried to do something worthwhile - and so far have been laughed at for my efforts. So the only thing I can do is rant and rave about it here - my own personal forum. And while I appreciate every response, I do not appreciate it when people assume that I have not tried to do anything about it...

Quietly into the night he went...

I was asked to speak at a memorial service for my uncle today. But I refused. Why? When I had so much to say about him? Because I had so much to say about him and I didn't think I would last the course. Choking up in front of a 100 odd people was not my most favourite situation.
So what did I want to say about him? What could I say that hadn't already been said by countless folk who have been flooding into his home since that early morning when he "went quietly into the night"? A quiet gentlemen who went quietly away with a minimum of fuss and bother... like he lived his life, with no fanfare, no dramatic gestures.
I don't think any of us will truly realise what he added to our lives in all these years...
The way he maintained and remained in contact with the people he befriended and cared about. And the effort was really all his - no question about it.
The way he dispensed sage advice and wisdom accompanied by dollops of common sense.
The way he encouraged a reality check when he felt that one was being carried away.
He was always punctual, always forbearing, always in control, very rarely lost "it" and I never heard him raise his voice unnecessarily or hurt anyone's feelings.
He was professional, ethical and principled with the bar raised very high on professional matters.
So was he a saint or a paragon? No he wasn't. In the last year of his life he was a touch impatient, a touch less tolerant and tended to forget things now and then. But that was really in the last year.
I have known my Buchu Kaku since I was five years old... I think he still thought of me as being five! He influenced me in many ways - not least that he was responsible for my wonderful 37+ years in advertising because he got me my first job!
He gave women their due - Pran K Choudhury could never be called an MCP. He gave his wife the freedom to be what she wanted to be and, perhaps, this involvement with her raison de etre will help her come to terms with her great loss.
He was a decent, caring, generous man who nurtured a close and loving family and brought up decent, clever and good kids who grew up to be achievers without ever losing touch with humanity.
Admittedly for much of the last 25 years Buchu Kaku and I lived on separate continents - mostly out of touch but never out of mind. Because when we did again catch up with each other, it was as if the intervening years had never been! Little did I know that soon enough we would go our separate ways, yet again, but I do hope that when we do meet up it will be as always a great meeting with loads of catching up to do.

Diatribes!

Ever since I set foot on my motherland, I have done little else but rant and rave... much to the detriment of my blood pressure and stress quotient! About all sorts of things...About the traffic mayhem on the roads of Delhi. About people driving through red lights while the cops watch idly. About auto rickshaw drivers who sail past my waving hand while my brains fry in 40 degree C heat. About fat cats and corporates who spend loads of filthy lucre on on IPLs and so-called CSR programs but turn into blank walls when called upon to fund 30 second spots (aimed at encouraging children to learn what their parents refuse to) that cost a measly Rs 4 lakhs.
What does it take to bread through blank walls of indifference? What should one do to stir up public wrath against those who think the roads and public spaces belong to their forefathers and hence can be treated with disdain and a total lack of consideration? When will people realise that they themselves are to blame for disasters like the BRT and not just the government because it's the people who won't listen learn or mend their ways when it comes to following the rule of law?
Will anyone ever listen? And learn?